Navigating Low Libido? Here’s How to Reclaim Your Sexual Self-Esteem

If your sexual self-esteem could use a boost, join the club. Maybe you’re postpartum, navigating a totally absent libido. Or, you’re in the thick of perimenopause, a stranger in your own skin. Or, you’re struggling to feel sexy in a world that constantly undermines a softer body (sending virtual hugs!). No matter your circumstance, it’s easy to assume something is “wrong” with your sexual health—or that it’s somehow missing the mark. But your sexuality isn’t static. It ebbs and flows. And it’s okay to be in a season of stagnation. Fortunately, greater sexual self-esteem is well within reach. Where to start? Choosing curiosity over criticism.

The Disconnection No One Talks About

After my first son was born, I remember feeling a deep disconnect from my body’s rhythm. Pregnancy (along with diastasis recti and an emergency cesarean) radically transformed my physical existence. Sex? Not a blip on the radar. My libido wasn’t the same. My body felt foreign. It took time—over a year, really—to reconnect with myself in a way that felt safe and authentic. Maybe that same disconnect resonates with you. Whether you’re recovering from childbirth, managing extra stress, or navigating hormonal shifts, don’t fret if your sexual self-esteem is out of whack. Like improving any area of your life, compassion is key.

Listen to Your Body’s Signals

If you know, you know: When you’re in an overwhelming season of life, it’s hard to tune into your body’s needs. It doesn’t come naturally. However, tapping into your body’s signals (I.e. recognizing when you need to be alone, get more sleep, or call a supportive friend) is a foundational part of self-acceptance. To begin, start small. Take a seat and scan your body. What sensations do you feel? What is your heart quietly whispering to you? Ultimately, don’t push yourself to have sex if you aren’t ready. Instead, explore a different way to nurture your sensuality. For example, that might mean practicing deep breathing on your yoga mat or drawing a bath before bed.

Break Free from Society’s “Ideal”

Once you begin tuning into your body’s real needs (without judgment) you’ll start to see just how much of your inner narrative has been shaped by outside influences. There’s so much power in releasing the belief that there’s an “ideal” libido to live up to. Unfortunately, culture, social media—even friends—can make you question what your sexuality should look like. But the truth? Your desires are entirely your own. Reclaiming your sexual self-esteem starts with honoring that truth. Not someone else’s version of it.

Self-Pleasure: A Path to Confidence and Connection

Let’s talk about self-pleasure. And no, not just for that coveted release. Self-pleasure is equally about feeling safe, empowered, and in tune with your body. It’s a form of self-care—a chance to reclaim confidence and deepen your intuition.

1. Building Body Trust

Self-pleasure can feel like coming home to yourself. Especially after major transitions like birth, burnout, or body changes. Start by shifting the goal. It’s not about orgasm. It’s about curiosity. Maybe that means gently massaging your skin after a shower or spending a few quiet minutes just noticing how your body feels.

You might ask: What feels good today? What textures or rhythms bring me comfort? Let this be a space without rules, without expectations. Over time, as you explore what sensations feel pleasurable (and which don’t), you build body trust. And that trust is the foundation for sexual confidence—with yourself and with a partner.

Try this: Light a candle, take 5-10 minutes in a calm space, and gently explore your body with your hands or a favorite tool. Focus on breath, sensation, and staying present.

2. Explore What Feels Good

If your libido feels low or inconsistent, you’re not broken. Bodies change. Desires shift. The most empowering thing you can do is approach your body with compassion. Self-pleasure gives you space to explore, slowly and intentionally. Experiment with different times of day, new types of touch, even gentle movement like pelvic tilts or hip circles. Some days might feel sensual; other days may not. Both are valid. There’s no “right” way to feel pleasure. The more you tune into your body with kindness, the easier it becomes to meet it where it’s at.

Try this: Put on music you love. Lightly trace your skin while breathing deeply. Notice what areas crave more touch and which feel sensitive. No goal, no rush. Just awareness.

Your desires are entirely your own. Reclaiming your sexual self-esteem starts with honoring that truth. Not someone else’s version of it.

Lean Into Vulnerability

Of course, we can’t talk about sexual health without talking about emotional health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or sluggish, it’s going to be really challenging to tap into your sexual energy. One of the most liberating things I’ve done is to open up conversations with my husband. Sharing how I was feeling—disconnected, insecure, or simply exhausted—helped us find new ways to support each other. It created space for deeper intimacy, even when sex wasn’t on the table. Remember, being vulnerable is a powerful thing. Sharing what you’re experiencing creates space for a more fulfilling, compassionate connection.

Embracing Exactly Where You Are

I want to leave you with this: Your sexuality doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. There’s no “right” way to feel, and there’s no timeline for how things “should” go. Your sexual health and intimacy are an evolving part of your journey, and there’s no rush to get it perfect. Be kind to yourself, honor your unique experience, and remember that your body is always worthy of love, care, and attention—on your terms.