Cover Snark: What If a Disco Ball Were a Man?


Most of today’s covers were found by Sneezy, who certainly plumbed some depths!

Small Town Swoon by Melanie Harlow. A man in three quarter profile is trying to take off a black tank top. He's glaring at us from over his bulging bicep.

Sneezy: The dude looks distressingly like he was long hold selected from another picture and slapped on. …and with the general ambiance of the cover, the publisher’s logo looks like a pair of testies.

Amanda: I think the author font is the same one Alice Clayton used to use?

I feel like he just told that played out “tickets to the gun show” joke.

Sarah: I dislike Wine Mom Font. It looks like he dislikes it too.

Elyse: Poor guy is allergic to that deodorant.

Alien Protector's Stars by Melissa Emerald. A very orange, shirtless man is covered in sparkles. He also has dark purple wings that are also sparkly. He looks like he's covered in the rainbow prism reflections you get from a disco ball.

Sneezy: This one gives me so much joy. You, too, can have your very own disco man! Wings sold separately.

Amanda: A more colorful, peacockish version of Edward from Twilight!

Sarah: 9 year old me is VERY envious of those wings and is plotting to find her own right now. Current me is helping.

Choosing Theo by Victoria Aveline. A shirtless, headless man in black mans is covered in black filigree tattoos. A greenish lens flare is peeking out beneath his armpit. In his hands is a bright white business card with a triangular symbol on it.

Sneezy: Lots of things happening, but the main thing I’m distracted by is the random card thing. Is he holding it? Is it floating there and he’s just resting his thumb on it? Will it grow up to be a sentient rectangle eyeball?

Amanda: Oh, that card is full-on photoshopped and because it’s so bright white, that’s all my brain can focus on.

Sarah: Absolutely terrible Photoshop. And Amanda you’re right it’s the only thing to focus on and then I see how it doesn’t line up correctly.

Viscount in Love by Eloisa James. A shirtless man is lounging on a gold couch. He looks bored and his chest is very smooth and shiny.

Sarah: So smooth! So very smooth.

Shiny. Shiny and smooth.

Amanda: Anyone else getting Patrick Dempsey vibes?

Sarah: YES. It was BUGGING me. I thought maybe JFK Jr + AI art, but I think the Dempsey vibes are strong too

Sneezy: I really really hate these fonts together, and the chair gives me uncanny valley vibes.

Sarah: Also, I just need to say out loud and loudly that I do not like being stared at like this. It weirds me out. Especially because he looks confused, like he isn’t sure why I’m wearing what I’m wearing (it’s comfortable ok Mr Shiny Smooth??).

Amanda: I will also say that this one isn’t an egregious snark, but wow is it boring.

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